Burning Daylight

Today is the first day of my first vacation since maternity leave. I am hoping to put vacation to good use. Working out, eating better, etc. I have been on a diet (calorie and portion watching) for two weeks. So far so good. Without working out I have still lost five pounds.

We will see how it goes I suppose.

Since my last post, I am down a dress size, so things have still been going well. My daughter is nearly two years old and growing like a weed. She is getting so big its depressing.

Either way, lets get this party started! ♥

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Sick Baby = Sick Day

I have a sick baby at home, which means I have a sick day at work!  It is making me want to stay home with her forever.    She is acting totally normal, like her happy little self.  She is coughing quite a bit and sneezing with a runny little nose.  I want to stay home with her forever, because she is my little precious girl, and I want to keep her out of school where she also could have caught something not only this time, but in the future as well.

On a semi-side note, I have been battling postpartum, and it has turned into this feeling of not wanting to leave her.  It is so weird, and a change from my previous feelings of wanting time apart from her.  Now, especially since she is growing so much and so fast, that by leaving her at school, I am going to miss all of her milestones.  It makes me want to be with her every single day, so that I don’t miss any part of her life and her development.  I was so happy yesterday that she rolled over for the first time by herself, and I was home to be with her.  I am so happy I didn’t miss it.  My husband is a little bummed he missed it, but I took some pictures and sent them to him,  so that he could at least share the moment from work.

I don’t know how I would feel if I missed her first steps or her first stab at crawling, just because I had to work in order to keep our debt on a downward trend.  I know I could quit work, but I am working for a few reasons.  So we can keep with somewhat of a lifestyle that we are used to, and so we can pay off our debt quicker.  As much as I want to stay home with her and never return to work, I know the consequences is a much higher debt for a much longer time frame, and I would rather pay that down for another year.

I wish there was a way I could figure out how to make money with my many blogs, or even finish my book and get it published.  My career of choice is one I can easily do from home, the only bad thing is, with the economy in its current state doesn’t provide for the client pool that I would need in order to afford working from home.  For some reason, when the economy tanks, people are not spending as much money on Kitchen and Bath Designers, or Interior Designers for that matter.  So now, I am here, blogging away and not at work.

I am sure I am not alone, I am sure there are other working mom’s who find that paying off debt is vital.  I want to be able to afford to give her things she wants, and needs, and not have to scrape the bottom of the barrel, and raid the couch for change, in order to afford diapers and stuff like that.  If I stayed home, that is all I could do, because we would have to sell my car to pay off some of the alleged debt, and avoid insurance gas and maintenance charges.  As much as I want to stay home with her, I think it will be better for her in the long run for me to work another year…and just hope she keeps doing her little milestones at home!

Me, on Parenting

Parenthood is a journey into the unknown.  It’s a journey into a world of brightly colored toys and not knowing what you are doing, and hoping you don’t hurt this little human being that for some unknown reason, they let you bring home from the hospital.  They say the first week is the hardest, and I am wanting to change that to the first year.  They are changing so much, and you really don’t know what to expect. You are terrified about being a good parent, you don’t want to hurt or harm them, and you don’t want anything to hurt or harm them.  It’s a time when Google is your best friend.  You will find yourself researching baby poop to see if everything is “coming out normal”. (By the way, this is the best “Diaper Decoder” out there!) You will be researching reasons why babies cry, because you have tried everything under the sun and she is still screaming at the top of her little lungs…for HOURS!

This job isn’t for everyone!  It’s a hard job, it’s a tedious job, and it’s not a job you can just go put in your two weeks notice when you realize it’s too hard.  Your life really is over.  I always got mad at people for warning me that my life was over, because I loved my old life before the baby.  However, now that she is here, on a Friday Night,  I would rather be sitting at home exploring the world through her eyes, than going out, eating an overpriced meal and going to a movie theater to see a mediocre movie with a hundred other people who insist on texting, talking, and generally smell bad.   (You know I am right, how many times have you had to sit through a movie next to a guy who took a bath in cheap cologne?  Or the old lady directly behind you with that signature old lady floral perfume that burns your nose as you breath it in?)

My brother and sister-in-law love their life, and refuse to have children because they love their toys and lifestyle of elaborate spending and activity filled weekends.  They think I am the crazy one for giving it all up to bring this little life into the world.  I sometimes wonder if they will change their mind and give my little girl a cousin to play with, but I am nearly certain they won’t.  I am glad they enjoy their activities and lifestyle, but to me, family is so important, and that includes bringing new life and generations into the family.

It’s not easy, and I know it is going to get harder, because she will keep growing, exploring, and learning about the world.  Life as I know it today is going to change again when she starts crawling, walking, and enters into school.  She is like a falling snowball, that is getting bigger and bigger every day, and soon she will be an adult, and I will miss these days when she is an infant.  She will be able to tell me all about her day in words instead of these little ooh’s and ahh’s she sings all day.  I am glad she is here, even though I can’t just pick up and go somewhere anymore, and my blogging schedule is all messed up and arranged around nap time.  It’s worth it to me. She is worth giving up all of it.

Discovering Hands

My daughter is three months old, and is just finding these new fascinating toys, her hands.  She is able to hold on to things, like her rattle, or various other toys.  She loves to play on the floor, especially when I give her toys to hold onto and shake around.  It is amazing seeing her explore herself and learn about new things everyday.  She is now able to track the mobile, she is much more alert and awake during the day.

This little miracle has completely changed my life.  Several years ago, if someone threw up on me, or much less pooped on me, I would probably throw up on them promptly.  Now as a mother, I get poop on my hands vomit on my shirt, and drool on my face, I don’t care.  I look at this little face, and I think “Wow, I created this from a microscopic spec, I grew this in my body for nine months!”

People always told me that things wont’ matter as much, that it all changes when a baby comes, and I thought they were out of their mind.  Now I have this little girl and I know exactly what they are talking about.  My whole life is changing, and I am happy to adapt.  I must have a little less fun every month so I can afford formula and diapers, wipes, and clothes for my growing little weed.  My diminished shoe collection is suffering due to this little baby, and I couldn’t be happier.  She is totally worth it.

I go back to work next week, and I am depressed that my time as a full-time mommy is coming to an end.  At the same time, however, I am happy she is going to a respectable school, that will assist me in making sure she is developing at a rate she needs to.  I am excited to see her develop into a young woman.  I am excited to see her grow more and more a day and become more and more herself, and meet her new personality traits.

Currently she is so observant, smiling all the time, happy, and playful.  I enjoy that about her.  Honestly, you always hear these horror stories about babies and how hard of a job it is.  I am not going to lie, it is a hard job, but it isn’t nearly as hard as we were expecting.  I am happy for that.  She knows our limits, and generally doesn’t push them.