I have been a mom for four months now, and I will say, it is a definite adjustment. It is very hard to get used to, and I have been having some trouble adjusting. I have thought it was me, that I was selfish, that I am not cut out for this job. I have been wondering what is wrong with me. I have wanted a child for so long, and love having her, holding her, playing with her, and being with her, but at the same time, the adjustment is killing me. I wonder if I am alone, I wonder if this adjustment period is hard on other women too? I wonder if I am going to be an awful mom, or if I am going to a great mom, and this feeling I have eating me away inside effects other women.
Deep down, I know I am a good mom. I love my daughter unconditionally. I know I get frustrated when the sleepless nights are stacking up and there is no relief in sight, but in the end, I still hold her close and we fall asleep together on the couch. I have been vomited on, peed and poo’d on, and it doesn’t bother me. I just keep going. I have held her close during her shots, and kissed her little boo-boo’s.
I have been doing research, and I have found that I am not alone. This adjustment period happens to a lot of women, not just me. This feeling of being completely overwhelmed happens to the best of them. Women all over the world experience this, and there are a lot of options out there for women, and support groups. One helpful site I have found: Postpartum Progress
I won’t let this feeling I have inside, this anxiety of motherhood, this desire to run away from my life, inhibit my ability to be the best mom I can be. There is help out there for women who feel this way. There is help out there for women who feel that maybe they bit off more than they can chew in their new road to motherhood, or adding an additional member to their family. There are a lot of symptoms to Postpartum Depression, and there is also a lot of ideas and ways to help. Since I don’t want to take the easy way out, and just go directly on medication, I am going to start journaling both privately, as well as on this blog. I want to feel like myself again, and journaling has helped me in the past with previous cases of depression, so I am hoping that it will help me again with this case.
This is a process, this is a move in the right direction, and I hope that I get from this process what I need.